I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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