Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Holy sore nipples Batman
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
