3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
