Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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