Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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