So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
