need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
