I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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