Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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