You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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