I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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