I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
