and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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