I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.