I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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