I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.