Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.