Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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