forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
