Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
