lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
