hotel room ftw
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
did you just send me my own nude
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
