But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
