so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
