Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
