What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Your dad touched me again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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