you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
