sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
