not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
