Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
