do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
