hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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