I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
