She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
