I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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