you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
