in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
