Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
