Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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