a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
