I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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