i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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