I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
