we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
