38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
