Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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