Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
