Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
