So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
