I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
