I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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