Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we're so committed to being not committed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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