You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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