just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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