i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The ass gains better be worth it
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