Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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