Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had to cum in my sink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
