I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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