he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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