i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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