They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
