she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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