Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
