Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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