My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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