He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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