Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
