My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
