Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
