that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
