Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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