just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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