Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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