it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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