she was so not down for the gang bang
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
