whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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