btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This house was built for laser tag.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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