when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dignity is for republicans.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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