Don't make out with my wife yet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
