I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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