I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
