Please, let me fuck your mom
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
