I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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