So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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